Why do I not miss people or have struggles when someones gone? Why because so much of me is permeated with the sensation of being alone all the time, so having an external to match the internal doesn't make it that much harder to bear. Harder to be sure, but not so much that it can't be dealt with.
What makes/made Zoe so special? In this context for the first time I can explain that question I've been so often asked. And the answer is this, she saw me. Without reason to be able, or even desire to do so often as not, she just saw me. And I was instantly addicted to that. When did things really start to come apart? When her vision of me started to become a 'picture' of me (i.e. who she wanted me to become) and lost it's nature of being 'sight' of me (i.e. just grasping who I was, even with all my flaws). I used to think I'd never have that again. Now I know that I will have it, but it will be a few years for that to come to pass. My younger brother Ender, he could see me with his eyes closed, because far more often than not all he has to do is look in the mirror. The only reason he doesn't "see" me yet, is because there are some things that I'm not willing to place into the world of someone who's still so young. It's a revelation because I once thought only romance (the story book kind that binds love sex and social commitment all together) could catalyze this kind of 'sight'. Now I know differently. But I truly believe that this feeling, of being KNOWN of being SEEN is what everyone is craving in "the one". And they're right in the sense that romance, sex, love, and commitment all foster the possibility of this 'sight'. But they're wrong in thinking that it is "one" or has to be singular or even in any way romantic. And it can be heartbreaking to watch my loved ones go through pain I know all to well when I have the lesson right here to express, and can't seem to find the words that call to be heeded.
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