Above all things to thine own self be true.

another exceript of a letter, or rather my response to a letter, from a friend.

here's the problem my dear, forget sex, forget romance, hell even forget love... remove the classification of this being said in any of those contexts and I can state clearly and unequivocally that no one has ever been everything to me. Nor to I expect anyone ever will. It's not in my nature. And it's not for a lack of caring. Is it a flaw? Mayhap, gods know I feel it is many a time. Going back to the love element, there are many kinds and types of love... and I haven't ever felt right using one to trump another. Casting one type as superior to any other. You can't compare the love of a father for his daughter to the love of a brother for his sister. Or the love of best friends to the love of a couple. Sure there are some clear cases where for a given person in a given instance one of them holds more sway. But that's a thing of the moment and shouldn't be marked as a value assessment. Now if you can find one type of love that for you out shines them all, and then find that love somewhere and hold too it. I'd congratulate you. But I can't, can't because it's not in my make up do. But can't even more because it's not even in myself to want. Going back to romance, comparing the feelings is literally for me like comparing flowers. If they're the same breed then how can you compar them, they're the same. And if they're not (which is most often the case) then how can you try to weigh one against the others? They're all unique.
Maybe my problem is in my environment. I grew up around family who were either very exclusive or had very discriminating tastes (depending on which branch of the family you're looking at). And it was always held up to me as some sort of grail of import. Someone was treated as smarter, more discerning, more insightful for having "discriminating tastes". I've always felt that the greater insight into life lays in the ability to find beauty in whatever you behold. And having found beauty to find the linkes both to yourself and to other aspects of beauty within creation. Not to weaigh and masure beauty like a comadity and then decide which one pound for pound is most worth picking up. Now going back to sex... well honestly sex has always been an after thought for me. Do I have a sex drive? oh yes be assured that I do. Can it influance my actions, quite certinly it has and like will continue to do so. But do I consider it of top shelf import? nope can't say with any truth that I have ever given it priority in my life. You see sex is what you make of it. The only intrinsic quality it has is a potentul of significance. But it's a blank slate. A symbole. It's a banner we plant where we want to plant it and then rally our selves, our actions, around. My first time was about the best I could have hoped for. I have never regreted a single thing about that night or experance, and I won't because for me that was perfict. There are so few moments of perfection in this life, I treasure what I've been given. And even with that as the defintive sexual moment for me, sex is still more of an afterthought. The biggist satisfaction I get out of sex is that if a woman is willing to share herself with me like that it's a strong indcator that she trusts me on some pretty profound levels. Cares about me too in some important ways. Without those it's unsatisfing and no orgasim in the world changes it.
But for me, to me, that's all it is. It's a physically pleasant way to express trust and affection. Perhaps even love on occasion. But it's an expression, just like a hug, or a kiss or a surprise gift. They all have their own place to be sure, and they're not identical no doubt. Nevertheless they remain in fundamentally the same family for nearly everyone no matter what they may think themselves. If they didn't gifts, hugs, kisses, and such wouldn't be cause for jealousy, distrust, unease... you get the idea. Just as French, Italian, Spanish, and English are all romance languages because of their root source Latin. So too are these and other things beyond hugs, gifts, and sex, all romance languages of another sort for they all take their roots in the same soil.

I have a fundamental belief about human belonging. I believe that intrinsically humans seek for people they belong with. Horribly we've warped it these days to be a search for someone (or ones) to belong to.
We as a nation fight wars to sustain our concept of freedom, while at the same time trying to be owned in a much more intimate way by some other person. Freedom is not an action, it's a choice. It's not about what you DO, it's about what you have the OPTION to do. This sense of possession isn't required to hold a long deep, passionate relationship. Commitment and honest, trust and love. Those are required. Not possession, not constraint, not loss.

I guess what it all comes down to tho is what is really worth it. And what makes something worth it.
The quote by Benjamin Franklin while political has always been more personal for me. "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." or another good political turned personal quote is the oft' mentioned "give me liberty or give me death". You see above nearly all else, be it fair or foul, I need to know that my life is my own. My mistakes are mine, my triumphs are mind. The gruesome and the glorious. That when I look back on my life I'm sure that it's my life. Not an addendum to, or footnote of, someone (anyone) elses.

I'll leave you with a quote I recently heard, “Sex doesn’t change you, it changes the people around you.”