The Silence of Fear

The Silence of Fear

Fear is just a sense of awareness that somethings not right

so of course I'm afraid, so of course I fight

striving, to live every moment without it

It is not that I hate the messenger,

fear it's self,

indeed I am grateful for these repeated and timely warnings of mindfulness

like it's cousin Pain I honor fear for the truth spoken, but I do not want to live beneath those words.

Pain may murmur sweet syllables, so long as they are small,

but fear and I agree,

its most beautiful moments

are silent.

My heart, in Spades

My heart, in Spades

Aches of unspent never worlds resonate through the buzzing composed of words and thoughts that sound to me like the panting breath of Bukowski's Tiger, echoes back smiles to sobs of all my unspent tears minted in some lost currency

Reflective, only the night is my mirror for I can pretend it's empty as I pretend to be full

hearing Jung speak in tongues of shadows and knowing where finally I've hidden truth in the petals of a Rose

face so beautiful it hurts and my clinched fists bleed down her thorns letting my veins cry for me

I speak to strangers hoping to never know them well enough for deception all the while seeking intimacy

Pangs of longing masquerades loss beneath the fissures of my hops untempered.

The words are my air, to die is to live as I reach for everything I've ever cared about, la petite mort a little taste of death to inoculate me against complacency the vulnerability of truth my balm to savvy self-fulfilling cynicism

caught off guard by my own passionate paradox

refusing to die without truly having lived, refusing to live only for a time to die

love is honesty with another person in mind

and my heart bursts with it

If only I could find the words...

Omertà

Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward.
Whoever cannot take care of them self without that law is both.
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant,
'If I live, I will kill you. If I die, You are forgiven.'
Such is the rule of honor.